Another day, another time, maybe

She turns the page,
and coughs.
Coughs.
Coughs. Sighs, and continues
reading. I've never spent so much time
with one who breathes so loud...
except for these minutes.
The relative quiet is rather strange.

I realized today

that I've developed a physical addiction to coffee.
An unfortunate side-effect of loving the taste
and giving in.

My one true addiction, my worst habit,

is giving in.

Always has been.

Samuel

In our bedroom, where we've been known to linger...
He's falling asleep, and as he twitches into unconsciousness
his claws graze my arm.
His head slides down, muscles relaxing after a hard day
of naps.
I worry when he wheezes and coughs
on occasion, every year that passes
is a larger proportion of his life
than it is mine.

Aye, well...we sleep another night away.

Hello Small Wonder

in your month of living do you decide
how to swerve
and where to buzz
your solemn vows
announcing the false
interpretation of death
upon your arrival
stay sparse
or your month
could be
shorter
careful indoors
your lifespan determined
by their quick swatter
bringing a direct
death
unlike you
poor fly

Sometimes, it's all you can think about. Sometimes, you can't stop yourself.

This is a break,
a break,
a break
This is what's happening now
Here, right now
It's not good, and it's not bad, it just is.
Orange chair, brown table, beaten wood floors
Places with character so far and few between
Going, sitting, drinking, laughing,
making letters and equations
conversations
realize the value, release the impatience
wait for the smoke break to fall on your shoulders
but deny the simple pleasures
invite the social breathers
put off the disbelievers
I am not waiting for anything
except for everything that I am waiting for
it's unrelated and self-debated why who what and where
and when it happens
if it happens, I probably won't be there.
Perhaps with a camera in hand
watching the sky
snapping the perfect moments nobody looks up to see
I will have them, own them,
mine for the rest of time
savored with the late-night powerade brigade
flipping the pages of the past
attaching meaning from since then
trying not to mince the memories and forget
them slowly over days slammed
with news and mismatching detachment
we were just wondering
how so many people came to so many places
merely wishing to see faces from dreams
and then reel back and return
to past actions and new passions.

Future Tense Memory

I am here, without you
and after all these years…
It makes more sense now.

This place has changed,
it’s historic charm lost in business
making opportunities but defeating
these streets’ true purpose.

The people smile less and want
more than they can afford.
Valued smiles and salutations
have been lost in the fog.

This old town reeks of new…
The unpleasant taste of fluorescent lights
and empty expressions.

Who knew I would come back
to this, and at this empty table watch the streets,
gnawed at by nostalgia.

This day minus 30 years was our beginning…
So now it will be the final,
last shot in the dark.
And I will remain one
incomplete part of that pair.

Knowing it was too inconvenient for you
to make it back to old memories.
You spent so many years forgetting
while I spent those years fighting
to remember every moment.

Now I wonder with the pasty newness
of my ancient beloved home
was the effort wasted...

Not crawling, but flying

thoughts thinking of me
I am inside this mind
here are words no one can say
and relics of distant futures past reality's barred windows
but I can see and think them
without permission
without cause
without reason
and there you are
many, few,
all of you in my thoughts
tempting, refusing,
inviting, forgiving,
trusting, ignoring
and I am lost in the idea of
everyone
then again
who is not lost
in something
for someone
enchantment runs rampant
and I am stuck here, lost in the roundabout minds of many
sticking in, flying out,
crawling 'round the guarded places
poking into solid hearts
I cannot deny their effect on me
can they honestly deny mine on them?

"There's no one quite like you, friend"

Here I am, sitting
just like you were here beside me
joking, laughing,
only tears remind me you're not here
Gone, you are from me
leaving, laughing
can you understand what this does
or am I truly alone in it
Was I always deluded
Were you always just for pretend?
I can't say I'm sorry
Nothing done, nothing left
but when you can forgive what's never been
repaired our lives
Move on despite the lost
no thoughts on it we move
reality, pretending
The blend causes discomfort
can't you see
you were just
less than I could ever believe.
Refuse to believe in what
you only saw in yourself
Nothing
but I was always there
And here I am
Wasn't it only you?