Future Tense Memory

I am here, without you
and after all these years…
It makes more sense now.

This place has changed,
it’s historic charm lost in business
making opportunities but defeating
these streets’ true purpose.

The people smile less and want
more than they can afford.
Valued smiles and salutations
have been lost in the fog.

This old town reeks of new…
The unpleasant taste of fluorescent lights
and empty expressions.

Who knew I would come back
to this, and at this empty table watch the streets,
gnawed at by nostalgia.

This day minus 30 years was our beginning…
So now it will be the final,
last shot in the dark.
And I will remain one
incomplete part of that pair.

Knowing it was too inconvenient for you
to make it back to old memories.
You spent so many years forgetting
while I spent those years fighting
to remember every moment.

Now I wonder with the pasty newness
of my ancient beloved home
was the effort wasted...

Not crawling, but flying

thoughts thinking of me
I am inside this mind
here are words no one can say
and relics of distant futures past reality's barred windows
but I can see and think them
without permission
without cause
without reason
and there you are
many, few,
all of you in my thoughts
tempting, refusing,
inviting, forgiving,
trusting, ignoring
and I am lost in the idea of
everyone
then again
who is not lost
in something
for someone
enchantment runs rampant
and I am stuck here, lost in the roundabout minds of many
sticking in, flying out,
crawling 'round the guarded places
poking into solid hearts
I cannot deny their effect on me
can they honestly deny mine on them?

"There's no one quite like you, friend"

Here I am, sitting
just like you were here beside me
joking, laughing,
only tears remind me you're not here
Gone, you are from me
leaving, laughing
can you understand what this does
or am I truly alone in it
Was I always deluded
Were you always just for pretend?
I can't say I'm sorry
Nothing done, nothing left
but when you can forgive what's never been
repaired our lives
Move on despite the lost
no thoughts on it we move
reality, pretending
The blend causes discomfort
can't you see
you were just
less than I could ever believe.
Refuse to believe in what
you only saw in yourself
Nothing
but I was always there
And here I am
Wasn't it only you?